


Buzzfeed Unsolved!Geraskier Au

by HeadToTheCoast



Series: Geraskier Tumblr Posts [8]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Geraskier, M/M, buzzfeed unsolved au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:22:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadToTheCoast/pseuds/HeadToTheCoast
Summary: short headcanon if Geralt and Jaskier ran buzzfeed unsolved - Geralt is still a Witcher
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Geraskier Tumblr Posts [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700689
Comments: 3
Kudos: 107





	Buzzfeed Unsolved!Geraskier Au

monsters do very much exist and geralt is still a witcher who is approached during the winter to join buzzfeed after their recent hire jaskier suggested he wanted to look at mysterious historical disappearances and monster lore and do a series on it. the problem is a lot of the information is false and they need help debunking online rumors. so jaskier finds geralts witcher service online (yen dealt with that, basically twisted his arm into having a website) and calls him asking if he’d be interested in doing the series.

hunting isn’t reliable work and having fairly steady income would be nice, even if the guy is a little annoying so geralt agrees to fact check except then jaskiers cohost gets sick (not what really happened to the guy before shane) and he asks him if he could please film an episode or two they were so close to finishing the first season for release and no one else knows the material so geralt agrees to that to.

and when he meets the guy face to face he’s wearing heels and looks a little embarrassed saysing sorry, _one of the other series needed a guy to wear heels for a day and i’d already agree to the filming for their episode. hope you don’t mind._

and geralt definitely doesn’t mind because the guy looks good in heels and then geralt is being pestered about being a witcher and _wow your hair and eyes, you look like a -_

and geralt waits for the word monster with clenched teeth but it doesn’t come

_\- model! seriously, i’m surprised no ones tried to scout you before…_

and while geralt doesn’t exactly listen to the rest of _that,_ he is relieved that the guy isn’t scared of him.

so they get mic’d up and jaskier is explaining how it’ll go and that usually there’s some banter back and forth so if geralt has any thoughts on what he’s talking about to _please_ interrupt him because it’ll lighten what they’re talking about for audience you know and geralt nods and they’re ready to begin.

so jaskier is setting the scene and doing a voice over that is downright lyrical and he’s talking about information on vampires and that the family thought to have gone missing because of one bought several pounds of garlic and geralt snorts quite loudly and jaskiers like _what, not enough garlic?_

and before he knows it geralt is saying, _no it’s just i know who started that rumor, friend of mine knew a guy who was allergic so when he went around complaining about vampires trying to find him by friend told him to fill his house with garlic._

_were there actually vampires after him?_ jaskier asked, smiling.

_oh hell no, the guy was anemic. vampires and witcher’s can smell that from miles away, he was having us on and lambert decided to give him a taste of his own medicine._

and the rest of the episode goes like that, geralt reading stories and jaskier commentating and asking questions and between takes geralt asks jaskier why he was so interested in monsters.

_well, originally it was because of the songs. you know, the factually inaccurate but beautifully written ballads about werewolves and vampires and harpies and i wondered how much was true? buzzfeed didn’t like that so instead we changed it to more disappearance type stuff because apparently i get too sucked into musical theory…_ and geralt has no doubt that’s the case.

little by little they become friends. jaskier invites geralt out for drinks and geralt invites jaskier to his house to see the remains of recent kills so jaskier can make the episode more _real._

when the first season is released jaskiers cohost quits for unrelated reasons and jaskier is heartbroken, going to geralts house unannounced and crying because he had thought it was good and now no one else would do it with him and before he’s aware of what he’s doing geralt is agreeing to do the series with him. so long as it doesn’t interfere with hunts and jaskier is hugging him and geralt offers to make dinner and that’s that for the night.

except people love the series and it has an almost overnight following and yes some youtube comments are mean but most people love geralt and his dry humor and jaskier for his bright personality. and sure, sometimes jaskier will read a comment about being over talkative or geralt will find the comments calling him terrifying and monsterous but they always make sure to send each other the good ones.

and maybe during the off season of shooting jaskier has plans to visit geralt but is a little early and doesn’t think he’d mind but when he lets himself in geralt is shirtless and has a nasty wound in his shoulder and is just continuing to bleed so of course jaskier rushes over panicked and helps him stitch himself up and lays him out on the couch because there’s no way he could carry him upstairs so he sleeps on the other couch and prays for geralt to be alright.

and in the morning someone opens geralts front door and it’s a woman with bright blonde hair who’s smiling as she lets herself in and says _sorry didn’t mean to wake you, i forgot my laptop and i have a group project later. tell dad to call me when he wakes up so i know he’s alright. thanks for patching him up, when i was over last weekend he told me all about you so it was nice to meet you jaskier_ and then she’s gone and jaskier is sitting dumbfounded because he didn’t know geralt had a daughter

and geralt is sitting up and looks confused but relaxes when he sees jaskier and says _you know i meant to tell you about ciri but it really never came up. i don’t see her mother very often and she spends most of her time there. thank you for fixing me up last night, didn’t realize there’d be two_ and then he’s standing and jaskier is rushing to sit him back down _you could have died did you know that?_ and geralt is smiling lightly as jaskier talks about how worried he was and _oh goodness you must be hungry i’ll bring you something but melitele above don’t you dare stand up again until after breakfast_

and then that’s just how things are with them spending the night at each other’s places between prep work for the show and jaskier patching geralt up on hunts until one day jaskier brings up the next topic of the show and geralt freezes.

_see, there’s this story about someone called the butcher of blaviken, killed almost 40 men and there’s rumors about what type of monster it was but - geralt? are you okay? geralt!?_

and geralt doesn’t realize he’s leaving until he’s in his car and jaskier is calling him but he shuts his phone off and just he couldn’t handle hearing jaskier call him a monster or reliving what had happened.

and thankfully jaskier gives him a day all to himself and doesn’t call him or show up at his place or anything and geralt tries to push those memories out of his head but fails and decides to sleep it off and when he wakes up he can smell something cooking and goes downstairs to see yennefer making breakfast like she had when they were married and his chest feels tight but he sits down and waits for the explanation.

_so ciri called me last night saying that a friend of yours, glad you have one of those by the way, had called her crying and saying you had left his place looking upset and you wouldn’t answer your phone and it was maybe something he said about blaviken so she called me. i know you’ve got that little youtube show going and i can only imagine that what this is about but geralt, you can’t keep running from it forever._ and her smile is soft like it used to be before they just stopped talking like they used to and he lets himself remember how he’d loved her and he gets up from the table and says _thank you yen, for breakfast_ and gives her a hug which startles her and when she leaves it’s only after geralt texted jaskier to come over to talk

and jaskier comes over anxious and sad and geralt tells him everything about renfri and blaviken and _stregobor_ and jaskier listens quietly and at the end geralt’s face is tucked into jaskiers shoulder and he’s _crying_ and jaskier is telling him they don’t have to do that episode ever and he’ll throw out the file and _oh geralt i am so sorry, you’re not a monster sweetheart, it’ll be okay i promise_

and whenever people tweet out mean things about geralt on social media jaskier goes _feral_ and doesn’t care about the ramifications and geralt starts to lighten just a little and then one night they’re at a bar and someone sneers at him and jaskier lays the guy out, breaks his nose and geralt is hauling him out of the bar saying _what the hell were you thinking you could’ve been arrested jaskier_ and jaskier isn’t even listening he’s still shouting at the man but he looks and geralt and says _serves him right the bastard - i’m not letting people say that shit to you anymore, melitele knows you don’t deserve it. you’re the best man i know geralt you don’t deserve to be treated like shit if i want to punch someone i’ll damn well punch them because no one gets to -_

and geralt cuts him off with a kiss because never has someone cared this much, to be angry over the words of others and to resolutely stick with him and _defend_ him. and when jaskier kisses back geralt knows he’ll do anything to keep this man at his side.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda like the theory of this one a bit simply because like, if monsters did exist and a show like that popped up on Youtube right now, it would be incredibly funny if it was in the crack style of unsolved and not like, some serious historical documentary like how the History Channel used to be. I love the idea that Jaskier is feral Ryan and Geralt is probably a more toned down but equally sarcastic Shane and that they would banter back and forth. That would definitely require more words from Geralt than all of his dialogue in the Netflix series though so I mean, not 100% plausible.


End file.
